So there’s a bigger chance than before that I won’t be going back to MaryWash this spring. It’s because I got an F in Statistics. I got A’s in my other two classes, but the F is pretty bad. I’m honestly going to be devastated if I can’t go back. My mom was like “If you don’t go back, you’re seeing a counselor again.” No shit, Mom. I’ll definitely have to because I’ll be severely depressed if I have to stay in this hell-hole. Seriously, I hate it here. I hate living at home, I hate Nova classes, I hate having barely any friends to hang out with. I don’t wanna get a fucking job. I wanna live in a dorm, eat whatever I want, stay out late, get drunk, and most of all I wanna do theatre. There’s no way for me to express my frustration, I can’t type out my incoherent noises of exasperation.
When my mom found out about my F today, and I was all crying and stuff, I wanted to go call a friend. But I had no one to call. There’s a guy that I wanna talk to more than anything, but I have no idea what would happen if I called him.
I only have two days left to finish Fellowship, and I am on page 392 of 527. I need to get crackin. I wish the chapters were in smaller chunks, it’s easier for me to read it that way, since I have such short attention span.
On a lighter note, I had a bitchin time last night with Rusty, MnM, and Aries. Hopefully we can get together for New Years. As I expected, we talked mostly about camp. But we went to one of those Japanese places where they cook the food in front of you. The food wasn’t amazing, but it was still pretty good. If I do get back to MaryWash, I’m gonna try to be in Marshall, and then I can hang with Rusty all the time.
I just wrote out a big long post that was just me bitching about a bitch. I deleted it cause there’s no point. ARGH. I didn’t like this drama shit in high school, and I don’t like it now. I keep writing out my bitching and deleting it. There’s nothing to take my anger out on. Except eating my feelings. Which is definitely not a good solution. And once again I’m head over heels for a dude that will never happen. We had a pretty intense text convo though. I’m never gonna see him again. RAAAAAAAAAAAGE.
It’s 1:15 in the morning, so I guess it’s Christmas Eve. Mixed feelings.
I made some progress in The Fellowship of the Ring, 355 out of 527. I’m also almost done re-reading The Hunger Games and Twilight. And I know my brother is getting Catching Fire and Mockingjay for Christmas, so I’ll be reading those again once he finishes them.
My body still aches from ice-skating; my butt, inner thighs, and my ankle cause the skate rubbed it raw. And turns out my camera didn’t come out unscathed, the upper right corner of the screen is black.
Most people love seeing their family on holidays, for me it’s always been a “sort of”. I like them all, but they either drive me crazy or bore me to death. Since both my parents are the youngest with kids, Connor and I were the youngest. Until my cousins had kids of their own. So I’ve always been either the young one who was ignored or the older one forced to watch the little kids. There have been times when I was somewhat close to a couple of my cousins, but I didn’t see them enough to form anything really strong and lasting. And it sucks, cause they’re all pretty close to each other. These are the cousins on my mom’s side. They’re also all getting married now. Anyway, tomorrow (today?) I get to see the family on my dad’s side. I haven’t seen those cousins, who are actually my cousin’s daughters, in at least two years I think. Julia is maybe five years younger than me. We bonded at my cousin Candi’s wedding a couple years ago, but I really don’t know how much we have in common these days.
Either way, I’ll hear “How’s college?” a dozen times and I’ll smile and nod and say “Fine.” Maybe I’ll be able to procure some alcohol.
Also, my mom wants to take my car to Maryland. This is a problem because the Maintenance Required light has been on for a couple weeks, and they don’t know.